♣
Friday 7/16/10 7:35 P.M.
The Pier (at a table this time)
I’m sitting here watching these little kids knocking and kicking a beach ball around, and it occurs to me that I was about the same age when I organized my first group sex thing. I must’ve been five. At our backyard barbecue, I corralled two girl cousins and two boys from the block to watch me piss behind a bush. My (much) older brother came around the corner to see what was going on, my observers scattered, and I couldn’t get my pants button snapped. Alas, it was a clasp, and by the time I figured that out, he was spreading the news.
That’s all I remember.
♣
This is for that guy at sex parties everyone tries to avoid.
Ode to Inappropriate Guy
Hey now Inappropriate Guy
Why must you talk so loud?
No one wants to hear you say
How much you missed your dog today
Inappropriate Guy
Yeah, Inappropriate Guy
Hey now Inappropriate Guy
Get your finger out of there
He's still checking in his clothes
And that’s not even where it goes
Inappropriate Guy
Yeah, Inappropriate Guy
Hey now Inappropriate Guy
How could you not possibly know?
With guys who beat you off with stick
You somehow think they want your dick
Inappropriate Guy
Yeah, Inappropriate Guy
Hey now Inappropriate Guy
No comments while I’m screwing
I know that it’s a party
But you sound like my Aunt Marnie
Inappropriate Guy
No, no, noooo, Inappropriate Guy
Hey now Inappropriate Guy
You’re purposely standing in the way
Stop grabbing at the joint
Oh please just get the point
Inappropriate Guy
Stay out of the sling, Inappropriate Guy
With guys who beat you off with stick
You somehow think they want your dick
Your paisley jock is way too small
And, yes, we know your dick is too
Inappropriate Guy
Get your own poppers, Inappropriate Guy
Now now Inappropriate Guy
What was your email again?
Please stop with all the questions
And no to “private sessions”
Inappropriate Guy
You realize that’s your nose you’re thumbing?
There aren’t any parties coming
Inappropriate Guy
No, no, noooo, Inappropriate Guy
♣
